Laughter, the best medicine

What’s in a Name?

Native American boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

“Say, Mom, why is my big brother named Mighty Storm?”

“Because he was conceived during a mighty storm,” she replied.

“Why is my sister’s name Cornflower?” he asked.

“Well, your father and I were in a corn field when we made her,” the mother replied.

“And why is my other sister named Moonchild?” he asked.

“We were watching the moonlanding while she was conceived,” she replied. “Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?”

The 11th Commandment - Guess who?

Last week a very important meeting took place among God, the Pope, and Moses.

They were troubled because a certain President of the United States was behaving in such an inappropriate manner. They concluded that the only course of action left was to create an 11th Commandment to get their message across.

Now the challenge was to come up with the appropriate wording for this new commandment, so that it matched the other commandments in style and holy inspiration. After great meditation snd discussion, they concluded that the 11th Commandment should be:

“Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.”

Two Elderly Ladies

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One old lady turns to the other and asks, “Do you still get horny?”

The other replies, “Oh sure I do.”

The first old lady asks, “What to you do about it?”

The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver.”

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to the beach?”

The Fish and the New Priest

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said “Wow what a goddamn fish!” The sister said “Sir you shouldn’t talk to me like that: I’m a nun” and the man said “But that’s the name of it: it’s a ‘goddamn’ fish”.

So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said "Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught."The mother superior said “Sister, you shouldn’t talk like that!”, and the sister said “But mother superior, that’s the name of it: it’s a ‘goddamn’ fish”.

So the mother superior said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I’ll clean it."While she was cleaning the fish the monsignor walked in and she said "Monsignor look at the goddamn fish that the sister caught."The monsignor said “Mother superior you shouldn’t talk like that!”, and the mother superior said “But that’s the name of it: it’s a ‘goddamn’ fish”.So the monsignor said “Well give me the goddamn fish and I’ll cook it”.

That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said “Wow what a nice fish”. And the sister said “I caught the goddamn fish”. And mother superior said “I cleaned the goddamn fish”. And the monsignor said “I cooked the goddamn fish”.

And the new priest said: “I like this f****** place already!”

Harley Davidson

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.”

Davidson thinks about it and says, “I wanna hang out with God, Himself.”

The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God.

Arthur then asks God, “Hey, aren’t you the inventor of Woman?”

God says, “Ah, yes.”

“Well,” says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:

  1. There’s too much front end protrusion
  2. It chatters at high speed.
  3. The rear end wobbles too much.
  4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

“Hmmm…” replies God, “hold on.” God goes to the Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.

“It may be that my invention is flawed,” God replies to Arthur Davidson, “but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours.”

love the last one :lol: