Things to do in London

London - Not sure what to do or where to go this Spring Bank Holiday Monday? Be unsure no longer! Just choose one of the following:

The NHS Reject Shop: This huge shopping complex on the outskirts of Swindon offers for sale a host of items surplus to requirement in hospitals throughout Britain.

Everything from furniture and scanners to hardly out-of-date pills and disillusioned nurses. Vast queues form, so get there early. You could try making an appointment, but they are seldom kept on time.

Sofaworld The sofa has long been at the centre of British life. We get bottle fed on it as babies, we have our first kiss there as teenagers, and we are left there for the evening as oldies, parked in front of the telly.

But Sofaworld is the first ever museum devoted to this lynchpin of British domestic life, featuring the largest sofa ever made (fits 10 people!) as well as the smallest, and a fun section called “Fifty Things we Bet You Never Thought Could be Done on a Sofa!”.

British Cliche Museum: This ever-dependable attraction is the place to go if, when reading the previous paragraph, you said to yourself, “I wonder what a lynchpin actually is…?”

The British Cliche Museum always has on display such vital things as linchpins (correct spelling), pikestaffs, tinder boxes, brass monkeys.

Children can have hours of fun testing old sayings: ie taking a horse to water and trying to get it to drink, getting into teams of cooks to make broth, making purses out of genuine sow’s ears.

Desert Island Jukebox Simon and Jasper Bathwaite had the bright idea of creating a vast jukebox installation containing all the records ever requested on Desert Island Discs.

“We had amassed a vast collection of junk records over the years,” says Jasper, “and then realised that the people who go on Desert Island Discs generally choose junk music, most of which we had already got. Bingo!”

The idea is that you can actually listen to your favourite celebrities’ choices all the way through, a thing never known on the actual programme. Exit 23, M5.

The Sealed Flask: This ever-popular demonstration team recreates ancient maladies in the same way the Sealed Knot recreates historic battles.

This afternoon The Sealed Flask will be in Windsor Great Park doing a vivid reenactment of fashionable 19th-century female complaints - fainting fits, the vapours, consumption, dropsy.

Smelling salts will be on sale. Bring your own laudanum.

The Divorce Experience: Considering Britain has one of the highest divorce rates in Europe, it is surprising no one has thought of opening an exhibition centre before, where we can compare experiences.

“Divorce is constantly expanding and changing,” says Divorce Experience boss Rose Wildchat, who started it with her husband Lionel Wildchat before things went pear-shaped between them.

"In the last week or so we have seen divorce reach the House of Lords - and then came Paul McCartney’s announcement!

No wonder we have adapted that Beatles song as our anthem this week… ‘Lady McCartney, children at your feet - Wonder how you manage to make ends meet…?’"

Assuming it’s a pisstake…

and so I can pick holes…
The M5 isn’t in London or go near it. Junction 23 is the Glastonbury turn off though :chuckle: IIRC.
(27 being the one you’ll want to get to Barnstaple :p)

Itwas written by a South Africa reporter su the “Things to do in London” part is probably wrong. However, I think the article is no p!55t@k3

Swindon is at least a 2 hour trip up the M4 assuming there is low traffic (middle of the night only). Also, I presume it’s referring to the designer outlet village, that sells end of line. But driving out from London, I don’t think so, who wants to come to Swindon?