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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just bugger off and leave me alone.
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Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
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No one is listening until you fart.
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Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
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Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
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If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
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If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
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Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
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Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
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Good judgement comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.
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A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
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Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse … then things just get worse.
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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
:chuckle:
Some of those are quite good. Espcially 15 - applies very well in my case!
7, 15, 17 are excellent