Track a bear in the wilds of Shropshire, stun it with a potato cannon.
Attach bear to some stout metalwork.
Drive metalwork through France and Spain at speeds of up to 48Mph over a period of weeks with regular pauses to dangle bear upside down and peer at engine behind the bear.
NB: Bear should be liberally basted with rain/salt/mud and used to wipe hands after checking oil etc.
Salt your bear with Gibraltar salt/sand mixture and sun bake for several months.
Return bear to cold storage unit for some years whilst nothing else happens.
Bear eventually retreated to the darker recesses, perhaps in an attempt to hibernate where he was discovered by three excited children who insisted he should be adopted and re-homed immeadiately.
None of these children wanted to actually carry bear home though.
Something has to be done about this poor animal.
If management find him in the house looking like this his next home will be 240 litres in capacity with a hinged lid, but only until Thursday morning.
There is no other option, advanced water boarding STAT!
I’m not sure if bear looks scared or a bit excited
Deploy Vanish, Pre-wash, carpet cleaner, even a bit of Swarfega that was under the sink.
Doors to automatic, 1400rpm, hold tight bear, its going to get bumpy…
Will Bear survive or will this literally knock the stuffing out of him ?
Will a bear at 1400rpm break the washing machine :Orbit: ?
Will the next thing to be washed smell like a stinky old bear ?
About as clean as he is going to get, not quite in the “Clean as a washed potato” category but certainly less organic than he has been for quite some time.
After his photo shoot he is now sitting by a radiator, steaming a little.
Now I need to do the same with the bit of ironmongery he was tied to for quite some time.
