childs rage

Just to ask a bit of advice on how to deal with this.

We both felt we were getting somewhere with jack his behavious was starting to improve and we were starting to see the sweet little boy that he is.

He had not seen or had contact with his dad since the easter holidays his dads choice not ours but this weekend he finally decided he wanted to see his son (big of him i know) so we said yes like we do everytime he wants to see him. Well jack is back and we have had nothing but cheek of him he was asked to tidy his room and we got a look as if he wanted us dead and said i just want my dad. I said to him he has been there all weekend and he will see him soon enough.

Well this is where the rage part of the thread comes in he stod there gripping his fits and shakeing his whole body in rage i dont know where this anger has come from as he has not done this for a long time. What do i do i want the little boy back that was starting to surface not this nasty little boy who has just walked in the door. He is like a totally different little boy i just want my sweet little boy that we both have been working hard for the past 6 weeks.

What do we do guys we need more than two heads in this one.

Thanx helen xx

He’s confused. He instinctively feels he should be loyal to his dad, and therefore wants to be with him. He probably also instinctively feels rejected by his dad as he is NOT with him. He is therefore confused and has no way of vocalising his emotions and has to emote on a physical basis.
Alternatively he feels you are taking him away from his dad and feels angry towards you, with the same result.

Either way, the only thing you can do is understand that its not his fault, and keep supporting him as best as you can.

Longer term, it may be that his dad will drift away - for Jack, the feeling of rejection may be easier to deal with than the constant reminder and reopening of the emotional wound that he gets every few weeks.

I think a child psychologist would be your best bet, carrying that anger into his teens and young adult years is a good recipe for criminal behaviour. And ultimately, he probably wont/cant open up fully to you as you are too close to the picture, and of course he also has loyalty to you, therefore there are things he wont feel able to tell you.

Thats easy for me to say I know. What you do about it in the short term, I have no real idea apart from being understanding. Wish there was more I could do or say SB :frowning:

sorry to hear your having an old time of it helen, Id agree with walter here tho, I think its a rejection thing from his dad. My borther went through a time like this when he was younger after our grandfather died somehow the poor child got it into his head that he had died and left him personally… we threw fits of rage, couldnt concentrate and if he couldnt find something he pratically had anervous breakdown, Now im not sure if before you said the dr had given him some meds or not but what we were told to do was give him 1 tab (30cc) ignatia (its a herbal remedy) its useful in the short term and it acts as a calming agent, I dont know if you want to go down that route but its all ive got, thoughts and prayers your way

sj :frowning:

As you feel strongly and worried about this to have posted on the forums for advice, I would say to be fair to all concerned that you go for proper professional advice, how and who you go to see I’m not sure, maybe as a first port of call go to see your doctor.

sorry, hope that dosen’t sound too harsh, but any advice gleaned from forums such as ours might not be the best advice to follow for you situation.

Good luck, Curly

i thought i should post on this.
but baisically me and helen both agree it would be in jack’s best intrest that contact with his father stops completly.
at least untill he is old enough to make up his own mind.
so helen will be contacting her lawyer tomorrow.
as for jack i feel sad for the poor lad i really do.
his dad swans in when he feels like it and like most of you have said he is confused.
and does not know how to channel the anger.
i feel if this continues it is not just home life that will suffer but his school life too and that will not help at all.
jack haddnt seen his dad scince the easter holidays and his behavoiur was getting better day by day.
what we were was working rewarding the good and ignoring / or dealing apropriatly with the bad.
and we were starting to get the non cheaky and nice jack.
but he goes to his fathers overnight. and he comes back a cheaky little boy with no respect what so ever.
and i dont want to have to tell him off as soon as he walks in the door.
so for jacks sake and jacks sake only i would see it in his best intrest if visitations with his dad were to stop.
and TBH i dont feel his dad has the right to be callling himself dad.
as i was the one who bought his first school uniform… ive been there when he has had nightmares. and ive been there when he has been ill.
it was me he cuddled when he seen holly in the incubator.
its me he asks to help if he hurts himself. and its me he asks for help if he is stuck with somthing.
his dad turns up when he feels like it and pumps him full of sweets then drops him home.
also it is clear that jack doenst get to sleep at his dad’s either as he got in at 2pm this afternoon and shortly after he fell asleep and is still asleep now.
so for scott to call himself dad… sickens me.

The only way to win him over is with hard work.

If you want him to tidy his room ask him to help you do it for a suitable reward.
That reward can be anything you deem fit from a trip to the park to baking cakes. The worlds your oyster but dont turn it in to confrontation ever, nobody wins from there.

Dont focus too much on the legal side, if his dad is less than enthusiastic you have won already. Make Jacks time with you more interesting and its game over.