The SAS, the Army and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together, to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down to the woods and come back with a rabbit for tea.
First up are the SAS. They don their infra-red goggles, drop to the ground, and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for five minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead.
“Excellent” says the trainer.
Next, the army. They finish their cans of lager and cover themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down to the woods, screaming at the top of their voices. For the next half hour the woods ring with the sound of machine guns, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood-curdling war cries. They emerge with the charred remains of a rabbit.
“A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done!” said the trainer.
Lastly, in go the Police. Walking slowly, hands behind their backs, whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the crackle of walkie talkies. “Sierra oscar lima, suspect heading straight for you,” etc.
After what seems like an eternity, they emerge with a squirrel in handcuffs.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” asks the trainer. “Take this squirrel back and got me a rabbit, like I asked you to five hours ago”.
So back they go.
Minutes pass.
Minutes turn to hours.
Day turns to night.
The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the Police holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises.
“Are you taking the piss?” asked the seriously irate trainer
The Police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel, who squeaks,
“Alright, alright I’m a :censored: rabbit!”