No excuses…

c’mon ya tarts, fave cheese, you know you love it :stuck_out_tongue:

this post brought to you by,

the number 3
the members, spaceboy, wyntrblue, and whytefoxx
and the letters p, i and e

/edit: damn that spammers quick off the mark

rather partial to Brie on crackers with a shot of JD to wash it all down with :slight_smile:

Very nice, looking forward to the xmas same old same old with the vintage cheese and port selection boxes, or more so the fact they are ALWAYS reduced first thing in January :sneaky:


I can’t eat cheese - it makes me ill.

This poll is, therefore, a complete mystery to me :frowning:

crikey - damned spammers everywhere :eek:

should’ve known DT would be in there like flin :stuck_out_tongue:

Alta needs a :cuddle: though


Stilton, providing its accompanied by a nice bottle of vintage port :slight_smile:

My wife, Becky, also cannot eat cheese, or have any caffeine. Cheese is an instant rash, the caffeine is getting a bit more of a problem, a woman who can no longer have chocolate can get very scary :scared:

Hospital appointment Wednesday to find results of the allergy testing as she has had an upset stomach for months… I digress

Continue with the cheese :smiley:


wow, unable to eat cheese, I pitty you,

try being alergic to alcohol, not me of coures but Fluffyali!

not good,


I like most cheeses, depending on my mood and what goes with it. A crumbly blue type would be my fave. I don’t like the tasteless stuff they put on pizzas though. Where do they get it from?

like all cheese really, but of late seem to have gone off it a bit due to housem8 makeing a dodgy cheese sauce, Brie on crackers is a fav as is cheese on toast


/me starts uncontrolable shuddering and gibbering in the corner

just the mere thought :eek: :cry: the therapy is going to cost me thousands :cry:


makes for a cheep date though! :slight_smile:

Its not on the list and your a few hundred cheeses short :wink:

O’well must go sleep got to go to work in that Cheese factory I work for :smiley:

O by the way we do non processed cheese slices :wink: far far tastier :slight_smile:

and you missed processed cheese triangles :wink: & cheese dips :wink:

Don’t ask :wink: there mozzarella pretty taste less TBH

Then there is a cheese substitute as well in Gen its Mozzarella + cheese substitute
as a 50/50 mix sold as pizza topping in 5kg bags.

lol @ PMM

When you work in the “food” industry you make some “interesting” discoveries :eek:

… oh and cheese isn’t a big deal in our family, her indoors just buys a slab of that cheddar stuff now and then :rolleyes:

(a customer walks in the door)

Customer: Good Morning.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?

C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through “Rogue Herrys” by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
O: Peckish, sir?
C: Esuriant.
O: Eh?

C: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!
O: Ah, hungry!
C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, “a little fermented curd will do the trick,” so, I curtailed my Walpoling activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!
O: Come again?
C: I want to buy some cheese.

O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
O: Sorry?
C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

O: So he can go on playing, can he?
C: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

C: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
O: I’m, a-fraid we’re fresh out of red Leicester, sir.

C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
O: I’m afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
O: Ah! It’s beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

C: 'T’s Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
O: Sorry, sir.

C: Red Windsor?
O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

C: Ah. Stilton?
O: Sorry.

C: Ementhal? Gruyere?
O: No.

C: Any Norwegian Jarlsburg, per chance.
O: No.

C: Lipta?
O: No.

C: Lancashire?
O: No.

C: White Stilton?
O: No.

C: Danish Brew?
O: No.

C: Double Gloucester?
O: <pause> No.

C: Cheshire?
O: No.

C: Dorset Bluveny?
O: No.

C: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
O: No.

C: Camembert, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Camembert, yessir.
C: (surprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It’s…ah,…it’s a bit runny…
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,… It’s very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
O: I…think it’s a bit runnier than you’ll like it, sir.
C: I don’t care how f***ing runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
O: Oooooooooohhh…! <pause>
C: What now?
O: The cat’s eaten it.
C: <pause> Has he.
O: She, sir.


C: Gouda?
O: No.

C: Edam?
O: No.

C: Case Ness?
O: No.

C: Smoked Austrian?
O: No.

C: Japanese Sage Darby?
O: No, sir.

C: You…do have some cheese, don’t you?
O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It’s a cheese shop, sir. We’ve got–
C: No no… don’t tell me. I’m keen to guess.
O: Fair enough.

C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
O: Yes?
C: Ah, well, I’ll have some of that!
O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale., that’s my name.


C: Greek Feta?
O: Uh, not as such.

C: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
O: no

C: Parmesan,
O: no

C: Mozzarella,
O: no

C: Paper Cramer,
O: no

C: Danish Bimbo,
O: no

C: Czech sheep’s milk,
O: no

C: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
O: Not today, sir, no.


C: Aah, how about Cheddar?
O: Well, we don’t get much call for it around here, sir.
C: Not much ca-- It’s the single most popular cheese in the world!
O: Not 'round here, sir.

C: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
O: 'Illchester, sir.
C: IS it.
O: Oh, yes, it’s staggeringly popular in this area, squire.
C: Is it.
O: It’s our number one best seller, sir!

C: I see. Uuh…'Illchester, eh?
O: Right, sir.
C: All right. Okay. ‘Have you got any?’ he asked, expecting the answer ‘no’.
O: I’ll have a look, sir… nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

C: It’s not much of a cheese shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it’s so clean, sir!
C: It’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese…

O: (brightly) You haven’t asked me about Limburger, sir.
C: Would it be worth it?
O: Could be…
O: Told you sir…

C: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
O: No.
C: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
O: Yessir?

C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?


O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven’t.
O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shoot you.
O: Right-0, sir.

(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.)

C: What a senseless waste of human life.

Dale :hail: would have got at least 20 posts out of that :smiley:

nice one Ike

I am but a pup…also I have other slightly more important things to do